December 2008

If you have children, you are already seeing it. As "Black Friday" came and went, as the television is gearing up with toy advertisements, your little ones are beginning to dream of Christmas. Not a white Christmas, although they will not object to that if what is under the tree is colorful. They are expecting a Christmas full of fun, full of toys.

I remember looking forward to Christmas as a child. It began with the Sears catalogue, looking page by page through the toy section. My television viewing would round out my wish list (although why did my toys never move quite like they did on TV?) By the time Christmas came, I was ready, expectations in hand.

Of course, Christmas is not the only time when our expectations flourish. Throughout our lives, we expect growth. We expect to become independent. We expect to succeed. Often, we paint in our minds a picture of what our futures hold, "I will graduate, get a job, get married and have children. We will raise our children, send them off on their own and eventually retire. We will then while away our later years watching our grandchildren grow and the world go by".

But it is never that simple. Remember when you and your spouse were expecting your first child? Remember the dreams that you dreamed for him/her? The dreams were perfect, your child was not. Or as you stood poised to enter the workplace, you had expectation of how your career track would go. So how did that work out for you? Very few people end up doing what they intended when they graduated. Our expectations are often derailed

Mary was a typical young girl in Palestine. I would imagine that she was looking forward to the kind of life that we do: Marriage, children, and a life with as few hiccups as possible. That all changed when the angel appeared to her. He said she had been chosen to be the mother of Messiah, the long awaited savior of Israel and the world. Well that was not what she expected. Would she pursue her dreams, or allow God to bring something unexpected into her life? We know the answer, of course, but imagine for just a moment what God was asking her to do. All of the expectations she held for herself and her family needed to be set aside and she needed to allow God to rewrite her script. She would have to explain to her family, her community and even her husband-to-be that her life would be forever different. I know I would be tempted to tell God, "Thanks for the offer, but I think I will stick with plan A".

When Mary chose to say yes, she began the process of rewriting her expectations. This child would lead Israel to freedom and prosperity; he would be a powerful man, remembered forever. He would be perfect, sinless. How great is that? And yet when Jesus was born, things got no easier. When Jesus was being dedicated at the temple, Simeon told Mary that a sword would pierce her soul. (Luke 2:35) Soon it began; the flight to Egypt, losing Jesus in the temple and hearing him correct her, "Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?" (Luke 2:49) As Jesus began his ministry, Mary’s disappointment continued. Her son, the Messiah was not living up to her expectations. He was not leading an army; his following was a ragtag group of 12. He is finally arrested, tried and crucified.

It seems that Jesus did not live up to anyone’s expectations. The Chief Priests and Scribes also had expectations and when Jesus did not meet them they were the ones, who had him arrested, tried and crucified. In one sense, Mary and the religious leaders were similar: Both had expectations of Jesus that were not met. Yet in the face of their disappointment Mary did something that the leaders did not. Repeatedly in the Gospels, we are told that, "Mary hid all these things in her heart". Mary allowed her disappointment to learn what God wished to teach her. The religious leaders attempted to remove what they did not like and never benefited from the great gift God was offering.

It is the disappointments in our lives that provide the opportunity to grow, to look at life from a different perspective, to listen to God’s direction when otherwise we might not. When our expectations are not met, we may be tempted to think we have failed, or that life has failed us. In fact, unmet expectations are an invitation to live the life God has for us instead of the life we envision for ourselves.

Think about this for a minute. Without disappointments, you would live a very boring life. No disagreements, no failure, no pain. No change, no growth, no life worth living. God allowed the Son to come to earth and disappoint us all so he could give us the greatest gift imaginable: Eternal life that is truly worth living. So the next time you are disappointed because your expectations have not been met remember that you can respond like the religious leaders and destroy that which disappoints you, or like Mary, who allowed God to touch her heart through that pain.